"The lamp of the LORD searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being" (Proverb 20:27).
God uses this verse to challenge us to be ready for the lamp of the Lord to begin its search. Actually, God's lamp shines all the time. Our part of the search entails looking with him into our hearts to see what is holding us back from a vibrant, on fire relationship with God.
God tried repeatedly to get me to cooperate with him in this process, but I refused to dig up the anger, hurt, and frustration over my brother's murder. During the grieving process, my anger at God over the whole ordeal was buried deep in the caverns of my heart. My relationship with God suffered and my hearing of his voice muffled. I ignored him completely for almost ten years, but things changed at the birth of my son twenty years ago. I returned to God and our fellowship was restored.
My spiritual life began to grow and flourish, but not to the fullest degree God promises. A problem remained. I still hadn't dealt with my anger. God would not allow my issues to block the abundant life he went to the cross for me to have. He was like a miner digging for gold, lighted helmet and all. He never gave up. Finally, his lamp shown so bright into the eyes of my heart, I had to look inward. Through lots of prayer, and different books and conferences he led me to, my eyes were opened to my anger at God.
Finally out, the anger melted in his hands and. He spoke to me through his word saying, "Take heart daughter, your faith has healed you" (Matthew 9:22). Since then, I have been tempted to bury anger again, but now I catch it quick before it sinks into the depths. I don't want anything to hinder his plans for me ever again. Up to that point, I didn't understand that life to the fullest means hearing his voice and listening brings more than one could ever imagine. But now I do.
Dear Lord, Keep your light shining, search me and know my anxious thoughts. Thank you for your healing and forgiveness. Lead me in the way you planned for me before the beginning of time. There is nothing in this world like hearing your magnificent voice. I love you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Amen.