Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Losing My Father

I have heard the process of grieving compared to a newborn baby. You start out crying and needing to take naps all of the time, and then you move on to the toddler tantrum stage (this must be when you get angry), then you move on to the immature adolescent (not quite comprehending reality), and onto maturity (acceptance). I have missed blogging, but I have been crying and napping a lot and not focused enough to accomplish much beyond the necessities.

My poor dad had congestive heart failure. He only had a low percentage of his heart function left so when he had a heart attack on Friday, October 2, he never recovered and passed away on Sunday, October 4. He was terribly lonely without my mom and there at the end cried out for rest from dealing with the chaos created by an alcoholic son.

Those of you who have shared my journey with me know I lost my mom last year in February. Because I was only 3 weeks post-op from a hysterectomy, I don't believe I ever made it past the shock to properly grieve over her, but now that I have lost both parents, the grief has come tumbling down on me full force.

I feel overwhelmed and depressed, yet at the same time my mind is going a mile a minute thinking about the many things that have to be done when someone dies and their stuff has to be taken care of. But my Jesus speaks to my heart and reminds me of Lamentations 3:21-26

. . . Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

It is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the LORD.

My hope is in him and I am seeking him as feeble as my efforts are lately. I will wait quietly for his salvation from this process of grief and pray to reach the mature stages soon. He is good all of the time. Praise Jesus!